Flip Kick Listen

Here we are at lesson 4.  This time, instead of providing a variety of responses, we’ll address one response to a seemingly innocent question.

I used to take our dog, Nelson, to the park every day.  One day, there was a sign saying “no dogs allowed”.  What’s with the sign?  What happened? I’ve been coming here for years. I pay my taxes. One of the other dog owners told me, “Roger up-the-street who comes here with Bruno got a $500 fine for bringing his dog here.”

Someone changed the rules and didn’t tell me!

The Innocent Question

I could always tell who knew by the emphasis placed on the word “ARE” in the question, “How ARE you?”

How ARE you?

Really, how R you?

Asking this question, is how we say hello.  It’s a customary, normal greeting.  I was shocked at my own response to this question as I underwent treatment for cancer.  I have to say, it wasn’t easy for people to read me.  And, sometimes, I’m not sure I knew what I wanted them to say to show their concern and love.

My friend, Julie, a nurse, gave me some really good advice.  She recommended that I say, “Good to see you” or when talking on the phone say, “It’s nice to hear your voice.”

The objective is to first, acknowledge our connection as friends or family.  Secondly, it gives an opportunity to catch my breath before answering the question with the appropriate level of detail given my relationship to the person asking. Space to breathe and honor the feelings that arise in the face of such a simple question. By letting the person know how happy I am to be with them first, puts the ball in my court. From there, I can direct the conversation. Just because someone asks a question, doesn’t mean I have to answer it.

When your world has been disrupted, the rules change. So when someone asks “How are you”, and saying “Fine, thanks” doesn’t work for you, simply say, “Nice to see you,”  look into their eyes and smile. Mission accomplished.

Trece McLaughlin

FlipKickListen@gmail.com Please leave messages for us.  We’d love to hear from you. We promise to respond.