Flip Kick Listen

Rude Person: “Why are you wearing a scarf? Do you have cancer?”

As we’ve already learned in previous lessons, our first internal response is most likely to be something like, “Why is that any of your freaking business?” 

 Possible Responses

 Using good judo, we’ll use our questioner’s power against him or her.

• “On my last vacation, I got drunk, shaved my head and got tattooed.  What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
• “If you don’t know the answer to that question, you probably don’t know me very well.  Why are you so curious?” 
• “I like to wear colorful scarves.  They cheer me up.  What do you do to cheer yourself up?”
• “All of my wigs are at the hairdresser’s being done up.  That’s a nice wig you have on.  It almost looks real. Where do you have it done?”
• “Excuse me, you have something on your front tooth.  It’s green.  Did you have salad for lunch?”

 Tactic:  Establish a boundary with your first response without giving away any personal information.  Flip the conversation by asking a question.  Now, you’re in control of where the conversation goes next.  Give yourself permission to keep your personal information private.  Ask questions that require the person to provide a full response, not just a yes or no.  They’ll go away if they don’t want to answer you.  Or else, they will answer you and you’ll learn something interesting from them that you might never have known.  Conversely, you do not have to remain in conversation with people who are unpleasant.  

Practice smiling and laughing – yes, really laughing – as you respond to people’s questions.  You don’t want to add more discomfort to an already uncomfortable situation.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Soon, you’ll burst out laughing anytime someone asks a stupid question.  You’ll be secretly hoping that someone asks you so you can practice your “moves”.  It gets easier.  Laughing with the other person might help to create a space where you feel more at ease in sharing your personal feelings.  Or, your laughing will scare them off.  That works too.  You’re in control, always.  

Probably, people don’t even know they’re causing an upset. 

Please let us know your thoughts on this third lesson in Conversational Self-Defense.  And definitely, let us know what happened when you used this technique!  We’d love to hear your favorite answers to rude questions.  Please share your comments with us.  Looking forward to our next conversation!

 Cheryl Ragsdale and Trece McLaughlin

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