Flip Kick Listen

Cancer strikes each person differently.  Everyone has their own recovery plan based on what’s happening.  The recipe chosen to combat cancer requires a great deal of careful consideration.

Trece: “I was sitting with some family members at the dinner table.  It was a  chemo week for me so I was feeling sick and fatigued.”

“ Hey, my colleague’s wife has breast cancer.  She’s going through chemo and she’s still working.  Why aren’t you?”

While taking several deep breaths, the following thoughts were running through my mind.  Why are you comparing me to someone you don’t even know?  Are you insinuating that I am taking advantage of the situation? Do you think I’m eating bonbons when I am in the bathroom for hours on end?  It’s a good thing others can’t read our minds, right?

Possible Responses

OK, now that we’ve calmed down, let’s consider some alternative choices.  First, acknowledge your feelings are hurt – even if it’s just to yourself.

• I prefer not to compare myself to other people and their treatment plans.  Cancer is individual, like finger prints.  I’d appreciate you keeping this thought to yourself.  You don’t have access to all of the information that I’m juggling. May people are giving me their opinions, would it have been helpful to you if I said ,“I knew your marriage was over years ago. What took you so long to get divorced?”
• Everything exhausts me. Having conversations like these exhausts me. Please excuse me I need to rest.

Tactic: Setting boundaries effectively takes guts, patience and lots of practice.  Practice standing your ground. People will back down.  Give yourself permission to keep your personal information private.  You don’t have to remain in conversation with people who are unpleasant.

Remember: Practice smiling and laughing – yes, really laughing – as you respond to people’s questions.  The rules have changed, nobody knows what to do.