Ever notice how confident and capable we are to endorse what we believe? What happens to our confidence after cancer strikes? When the rug has been pulled out from underneath us, how do we fight to stay intact?
This is a real life example:
Trece: “I was on the phone with someone I respected talking about alternative healing remedies. As it became evident the timing wasn’t right for me to participate, he switched from being engaging to asking me questions that had me feeling misunderstood and defensive.”
“Trece, why do you think you got cancer? What could you have done to prevent it?” He said that everyone has cancer cells and then he asked me, “What did you do to activate yours? Mine aren’t activated.”
WHAT? I thought to myself, “This isn’t my fault! I didn’t do anything wrong.
When conversations take a turn we can be the master of disguise in the face of disappointment or pain. If I had that magical pause button I would have eventually said one of the following:
- “I don’t know why I got cancer. Rather than worry about how I got it, I prefer to focus on beating cancer and getting my life back to normal. Why don’t you tell me about a time you beat the odds and ended up winning in the end?”
- “I broke all of the rules and didn’t listen to my parents. Like swimming, without waiting an hour, after I ate. How do you manage to live life on the straight and narrow with nothing ever going wrong for you?”
I didn’t say anything and ended the conversation feeling powerless. Adding insult to injury, I got mad at myself for not speaking up!
Can anyone relate?
A rude, nasty colleague of mine was pushing, and pushing and pushing.
I agreed to meet with her for a couple of hours so that she could wrap-up a few loose ends; “I need your advice”.
It turned out she wanted me to clean her house, organize her files, load things in our cars and bring to storage bin, and go to another bin and access past work records.
I laughed hysterically…..I still laugh as I think of it……she said what, I continued to laugh. She stood up and checked the back of her pants!
Thanks for the laughter suggestion. I think she thought I was nuts, and lunch came to a quick close.